I met my (trad) wife at a club

Yes, really.
You've heard that clubs are awful as places to meet women - that you can only meet sluts and party girls - "blenders" - at clubs. And there’s some truth to this stereotype but I met my wife, who was the furthest thing from promiscuous and who is objectively a better wife than any other I’ve ever heard of, at a club. And I'll tell you a little about how we met and what stood out about her, but as you can see I am in a beautiful place - Sozopol on Bulgaria's black sea coast...

This is kind of a special place for me - it's where my now wife and I took our first romantic getaway as a couple 4 years ago. And walking these cobbled streets again inspires me to share some lessons about frame control - which is super important in your relationships. Frame control is worth figuring out, if you're mindful of frame control and get it right from the inception of your relationship with a lady, the reward is tranquility.

But first I'll tell you about meeting my wife at a club... 

So we met at a language exchange at a club - it was not like at 2 AM at a foam party, after shots of RedBull and Jagermeister. In my book, I wrote about language exchanges...

These are events held typically at bars and cafes where people get together to practice their second languages, and they can be a goldmine for your dating. I met my wife at one, thanks to my Secret Society, I’ll explain later what I mean by that. If you don’t speak a second language that’s fine, there will always be foreigners there who want to practice their English. The language exchange can provide a warm introduction to exotic foreign exchange college girls, eager to make friends. They have them in almost every city, you can find them on Facebook or Couchsurfing.com.

So do look up language exchanges wherever you are! We met via my Secret Society - what I mean by that is that we met via a high-affinity group that I had ingratiated myself with. In this case, a wingman I had met via the RSD pick-up artist meet-up group in Sofia, Bulgaria. You might think that wingmen, especially wingmen that you meet through pick-up artist forums online, will be unneeded competition, but actually, in my experience, they will introduce you to women. While I disagree with the RSD guys on a bunch of points, I'm still sort of a fan because I'm not sure if I would have met my wife if I wasn't a part of their community. 

When we met it was NOT love at first sight, we weren't ready to jump in bed right away. If you want a trad wife or girlfriend (to use the lingo) you must be perceptive to the more subtle signs of attraction. For example, when I met my wife, I noticed that she was very attentive; she was a good listener and interested in what I had to say.

So don't write off clubs as useless places to meet decent women. If you're going to venture out into the nightlife to hunt skirts, watch this (you'll get a laugh out of it!)...

Frame control lessons

I'll share two different defining moments of frame control early in our relationship and they've both got something to do with this place...

We got in our first fight here in Sozopol - it was over blueberries actually! We were strolling the town and I saw a little store selling these beautiful fresh blueberries, she told me not to buy the blueberries as we were going to dinner soon, but I can't say "no" to blueberries. She had gone into another store to buy something and she returned to see me there with a big smile on my face just loving those blueberries. Then we proceeded to get into a silly little fight and she got noticeably irate with me and sullen, the pleasant, agreeable girl I'd come to Sozopol with was gone! As an experienced seducer, I knew that this was a moment to reassert frame control. So I offered to leave, I told her something like "Look, I don't like your attitude about my getting myself blueberries. You can decide if you want to enjoy a pleasant remainder of the weekend with me or if you want to remain angry about the blueberries I'm going to leave. The room is paid for, you can stay there, I will get my luggage, go check into a hostel, and take the bus back alone tomorrow." She was a little shocked that I was willing to end our romantic getaway over blueberries, but she changed her attitude right there, and we had a magical time together - instead of her giving me the cold shoulder over dinner and petty bickering continuing.

Second lesson - a funny story actually - about a stone's throw from where I'm writing this, 4 years ago we had just checked into our hotel and were walking out to explore the town's seafood offerings. At the time she smoked, and wanted to enjoy one before dinner, but being classy enough to not smoke at dinner, she stopped on the steps to light up. Eager to explore the town, I urged her, “Babe, you can walk and smoke.” Her witty response, “Only hookers walk and smoke” (which, rings true in a funny way), struck me with the sheer and cinematic newness of the moment - making love to a beautiful foreign girl in a foreign land, in a new-to-me place that I didn’t even know existed a week ago. But not long after that as our relationship got more serious, her smoking became a real issue for me. As a prominent biohacker, I couldn't have a girlfriend who smoked, here's how I handled that...

She had been a great girlfriend thus far, but I needed to test her to see if she was really mother-of-my-children type material, and I knew just how to do that. Like many young Europeans, she smoked cigarettes which I disliked. It’s the ultimate bad habit in my book because it’s awful for your health long-term, it makes you look and smell bad, and it’s not even that much fun compared to other addictive things! So one night we had a talk about her smoking. I explained very diplomatically that I wanted her to quit because health had by that time become one of my most important values. I couldn’t see myself in a serious long-term relationship with a smoker. Furthermore, my little brother had battled with cancer, dragging my family for years through the hell of Iatrogenic mainstream slash, burn, poison cancer treatment, and I didn’t want to take the chance that she might have to go through something similar. I didn’t exactly make an ultimatum - quit smoking or we’re breaking up - I just told her that I really wanted her to quit because it was better for her and that I would support her in quitting what can be a very hard-to-kick addiction.

And you know what? She did it! If you’ve ever known a smoker, you know that they invent an unending string of delusional bullshit justifications for what’s a really stupid habit (that’s not even THAT fun) which may very well kill them and also poisons those around them with second-hand smoke. You also know that they tend to relapse when they quit, they go a week or two and then they get stressed or have a few drinks and they are back to smoking. But not her, she cut down to just a few cigarettes a week and then stopped completely.

I've written about how I have some regret and even guilt around my promiscuous past, there are some things I would do differently. But, if I hadn't done thousands of cold approaches and devoted myself to the art of seduction, I don't think I would have been assertive enough to ask my wife to stop smoking. I made some other mistakes early in the relationship, but they were forgiven because I established frame control from the inception of the relationship. As time goes on and trust is built; maintaining frame control gets a lot easier. Frame control is not about domineering over a woman, it's about establishing healthy patterns of behavior that produce tranquility, which ultimately make you and her a lot happier together.

My book for men, Don't Stick Your Dick in a Blender, gets a lot more granular, strategic, and pragmatic on the topic of frame control in relationships.

The book also goes deep on the topic of filtering in your dating - filtering out the time-wasters and "blenders" - which is as important as frame control. Reading the chapters on those two topics alone will save you an incredible amount of stress and frustration.

Don't Stick Your Dick in a Blender

 

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The book was recently banned by Amazon, so you'll need to purchase it here - the +18-hour audiobook is included for your listening pleasure.