Blowjob Shyness Begone! 8 ways to inspire more ENTHUSIASTIC blowjobs from your lady
| By Jonathan Roseland |
My wife likes to peruse the various relationship Subreddits (which we've made some hilarious Q&A podcasts out of) and apparently, there are a ton of coupled guys (in relationships) out there complaining that their women don't like to give them blowjobs. They have to beg and cajole to get a blowjob (sometimes, even on their birthdays!) After we talked about this and shook our heads at the shoddy state of men and women in modernity, she expertly gave me an enthusiastic spine-tingling blowjob before bed.
So here I'm going to share how to inspire your lady to give you great blowjobs as often as you would like along with breaking down why she might be so shy in the BJ department. And finally, I'll hit you with much-needed tough love about what you might have screwed up resulting in your suffering from a dire blowjob deficiency.
This is a common issue in relationships, you shouldn't feel super ashamed about it. But it's a "check engine light" symptom of a deeper dysfunction and likely something that you are at least 50% to blame for. It's not something with a simple one-size-fits-all fix. Cases of blowjob shyness fall into two different categories...
- She used to blow you (or other men, in previous relationships) but stopped giving you blowjobs as much as you would like
- She never or seldom gave blowjobs
I suspect that Type-1 Blowjob Shyness is more common, but both have different causes and potential fixes which we'll delve into here. Diving into the fixes, let's start with the low-hanging fruit...
Talk to her about it
Communication is essential, especially when it comes to the horizontal business of the bedroom. Don't assume that she can read your mind and should know what you want in bed. Let her know that you'd like this to be a regular part of your sex life because you would be totally turned on by watching her sexy body, pretty face, and seductive lips as she blows you. If you're thinking "I've already talked with her about it and she has a million excuses for not doing it!" Read on...
Fix her hormones to re-ignite her libido
A lot of relationship and bedroom woes and dissatisfaction are downstream from hormonal dysfunction. Before you go to couples therapy to try to work out your sex life, get both your hormones checked. A woman with a healthy libido and hormones should be open to performing oral sex as it's a natural sexy thing - it serves the evolutionary purpose of introducing her immune system to your male essence; making pregnancy more likely - other mammals, including bonobos and bats give blowjobs for the same reason.
When it comes to libido and hormones men are like Toyotas and women are Porsches (I once had an old Porsche and that thing required A LOT of maintenance!)
Since women's bodies make babies they just have a more complicated system that requires more care and attention. If your lady doesn't give blowjobs and is generally unenthusiastic about sex that strongly suggests that her sex hormones are out of whack. And this is a very common issue, in modernity, there are a million things that disrupt our hormones...
- Exonoestrogens and preservatives in food and hygiene products.
- EMFs from smartphones and WiFi (which you really should turn off before bedtime).
- Air pollution - do you live in a big bustling city?
- Low-quality sleep caused by too much screen time after sunset.
- Toxic PUFA oils in food - if you eat out at casual dining restaurants often you are being slowly poisoned by these!
To name just a few things. You don't have to flee civilization and go live in the woods but be more disciplined about consuming organic food and personal care products. Many women are borderline hypothyroid (even if the lab tests indicate that their TSH is within the healthy range) which may suppress their libido. The hormonal birth control pill royally fucks with women's hormones, if she's on the pill that's going to mess with your sex life sooner or later. A good endocrinologist can provide some guidance toward healthy hormonal balance, but that may take months of testing, supplementation, and lifestyle tweaking to reignite her libido. Fortunately, there are a few risk-free Biohacks that you can implement now to unleash her inner tigress a lot sooner...
The Adaptogens - This is a class of herbs that holistically support our hormones and fire up the libido. Schisandra is a beautiful herb with an amazing taste, it improves blood circulation to the genitals, which enhances sensations for both men and women, and is said to create more abundant sexual fluids. Horny Goat Weed is renowned as herbal Viagra but it also boosts women's testosterone producing desirable effects - my wife has more intense orgasms when I give her Horny Goat Weed before sexytime. And there are other Adaptogens that share synergies in supporting our hormones...
Irish Sea Moss - A natural herbal source of Iodine, so it will help her in the Thyroid department, and it is regarded highly as an aphrodisiac for women.
Oxytocin- Is the love hormone. If your lady is less than bubblingly amorous she might have an Oxytocin deficiency, which is often caused by taking a round of antibiotics, which can shut down Oxytocin production in the gut for years! The way to jumpstart its production is by taking the probiotic strain lactobacillus reuteri. Or Oxytocin can be supplemented directly, which we tried together.
What I would NOT do is sit your lady down and tell her, "I'm dissatisfied with our sex life and I think it's because of your hormones. You need to see an endocrinologist and take a bunch of supplements..." The effective way to frame this up would be to propose working together on your health; suggest that you two can be happier, better partners to each other by both investing in your hormonal health. Go get your testosterone tested, I bet there will be some room for improvement! But you might be saying...
She seems to have a healthy libido, we have an active sex life. She just doesn't want to give me blowjobs.
And hormones might not be the cause of her Blowjob Shyness so in the following fixes, we'll explore some different relationship hacks (RelationsHacks - to get the shack shackin!) for inspiring her. But Biohacking has only upside, if she has a healthy libido, it may give her a raging libido that makes her enthusiastic about blowjobs, trying exotic positions, roleplaying, throwing on sexy outfits, and trying new things in bed. Or the Biohacks may help her to lose a little unwanted weight, improve energy levels, clear up her skin, or banish seasonal moodiness. When you invest your time, attention, and some money in optimizing hormonal health, you'll be surprised by the ways life gets better!
Get inventive in the romance department
If she gave you blowjobs earlier in your relationship but they've become infrequent as your years together have drawn on that may be because you've both quietly stopped trying to impress each other. In the beginning of a relationship, the man dazzles a woman with romantic overtures, acts, gifts, and occasions. And the woman dazzles by getting dolled up for a date night and then banging you like Cleopatra trying to appease Julius Ceasar. But all too often, after that honeymoon phase, both completely stop trying to impress the other. In the evenings instead of having a lively conversation over dinner, we Netflix and chill or retreat to our sports and videogames. And she stops getting dolled up and taking care to maintain a girlish figure while sex gets stale. If you're not getting what you want out of your relationship, perhaps it's because you're maintaining it like a Toyota instead of a Porsche. And you may be saying...
But I do make an effort in the romance department! I buy her gifts and take her out to fancy restaurants...
I believe it was the erudite "relationship expert" Marilyn Monroe who said "You can do anything you want to a girl, so long as you do NOT bore her" and that's why inventive is the key word in this fix! She is probably bored of you taking her out to the same kinds of restaurants, drinking a few glasses of wine, and giving her another piece of jewelry or whatever. If she enthusiastically gave you blowjobs before, that's because she saw you as an exciting lover. So stop wasting your time and money doing the same old things and excite her again!
- Take her rock climbing, jet skiing, horseback (or motorcycle) riding, or shooting.
- Try improv or stand-up comedy.
- Go to an exciting party, club, or concert.
- Travel to some exotic, new-to-you, place together.
Around the internet you can find endless lists of ideas for exciting dates and rekindling romance; peruse those and you'll get some ideas of things that fit your means. But the next fix you can do even from home - in fact, it's how my wife and I kept our relationship spicy during the COVID lockdowns...
Date night roleplays
On date nights, become new people and roleplay silly or sexy scenarios together. This gets you out of your routine, bland conversations. This may get her into a more carefree character that feels like blowing you! You might not be on as many creativity-stimulating Nootropics as I am, so feel free to borrow from +60 SILLY sexytime roleplaying scenarios or 22 Scintillating Sexy-Time Roleplay Scenarios.
Be threateningly attractive
You know what kind of man gets enthusiastic blowjobs whenever he wants them, a man with options that she's trying to keep. Thanks to the pop culture and frivolous conversations with her girlfriends, your lady knew when she met you that most women give head to the guys they are dating. She knew she had some competition, so she was willing to do things a little outside of her comfort zone. If she once blew you but now doesn't it's probably because she doesn't see you as threateningly attractive anymore. In the years that you've been together have you...?
- Put on some weight
- Let your social circle dwindle while your social skills atrophied
- Let your wardrobe and personal style get stale
- Stopped going to the gym and got lazy about your appearance
- Gotten less ambitious in your career
- Succumbed to comfort; spending large amounts of your free time on sports, videogames, or smoking weed
If so, then she doesn't see you as a guy who other women will try to steal from her. In her eyes, keeping you doesn't demand the dazzle it once did; enthusiastically serving your pleasure in bed, getting dolled up for you, or maintaining her figure. After the honeymoon phase is over, there's a natural tendency to stop doing the things that made you attractive in the first place, if you succumbed to that it probably has everything to do with her Type-1 Blowjob Shyness. Don't start flirting aggressively with waitresses and shopgirls in front of her but without telling her, start living your life a little more like a bachelor on the prowl would...
- Get back into an exercise routine that sculpts your body.
- Update your wardrobe and upgrade your style.
- Manscape - have you let that thing get a bit scruffy?
- Join Toastmasters or some kind of co-ed professional development organization that will add to your social capital.
- Put yourself out there a little more on social media; post pictures of you looking good doing cool things or consider starting a social media channel that frames you up as some sort of minor internet celebrity.
- Go out more to places where you'll meet women; attend meetups and networking cocktail parties, go to Yoga classes, or join a co-ed sports league.
And, you'll give her a micro-dose of jealousy and insecurity that reminds her that she needs to try a little harder in your relationship. You may be quietly telling yourself...
I'll go have an affair, that will show her that she needs to take care of me in the bedroom!
And this is badly misguided thinking. By upgrading your holistic attractiveness, you can inspire her to get outside of her comfort zone to give you what you want WITHOUT cheating - which will have dramatic and unforeseeable negative ramifications on your whole life.
Make a strategic concession
The devil is always negotiating. Shouldn't you be too?
Getting what you want in the bedroom isn't all that different from negotiating in the business world. In the excellent book, Never Split the Difference, the strategic concession technique is prescribed for when dealing with a stubborn negotiating partner; you concede to something they really want first to engender goodwill and encourage their flexibility on something you want.
You're probably not a perfect husband or boyfriend, I bet there is something she would really like you to change. And I'm not really talking about you doing the dishes or cleaning up around the house more often, I'm talking about something you give her in (or peripheral to) the sexual department.
This might mean you getting frisky and trying cunnilingus to please her, there's actually a book about blowing your lady away with your head between her legs, She Comes First. And the same author wrote a book for women, Passionista, about giving great blowjobs. You could get both books for you and your lady, read them and let playtime ensue...
And I'll give you a great idea, you could probably step up your sexual loyalty and focus on her. Do you indulge in some internet porn use or ogle scantily-clad skanks' photos on social media from time to time? Do you tell her you don't want her going through your phone because of "privacy" when really it's because you don't want her to see what you've been looking at? Did you have an episode where she found your porn stash and was upset? If so you've got some room for improvement in the sexual focus department! So resolve to focus all your sexual energy on her like a laser, if you find this challenging and are drawn back to looking at naughty things on the internet I've developed a protocol for taking back control of your sexual focus. Implement the protocol along with the validation practice of her that I describe and she may become a lot more open to pleasing you in bed as you desire...
And the next fix will work synergistically to improve your sex life and your sexual self-control...
Become a Tantric, multi-orgasmic man
A major bedroom game-changer is you cultivating yourself to become a Tantric man. There are 22 different techniques, incepted in the East and perfected in the West, for cultivating and controlling your sexual energy, which you can learn with about a month of practice. What this does for you practically...
- You can experience full-body and multiple orgasms in a single lovemaking session (yes, really).
- It will improve, perhaps dramatically, your sexual stamina - you'll be able to last as long as you want in bed to give her powerful, body-rocking orgasms.
- It may fix any erectile dysfunction issues you struggle with.
- Tantra is a loyalty hack - it will make it easier to focus your sexual energy on her exclusively.
Tantric practice will likely be a major upgrade for your pleasure, her pleasure, and the intimacy and tranquility of your relationship in general. And it's especially synergistic with the previous fix. In my +12 years of obsessive self-experimentation, Tantra is one of the coolest lifestyle hacks I've come across, so I created a deep-dive 7-part multimedia course which you can watch the first module of for free here...
Learn more about the course here...
Finally, if all these fixes fail (and I doubt they will if proactively implemented)...
Accept your choice of her and her preferences
There are plenty of wives and girlfriends in this world who give blowjobs when they don't really feel like it and even when their man hasn't been perfectly romantic lately. They get down on their knees and do it because they understand that fundamentally a relationship requires sometimes doing things you don't like to make the other person happy. But if all the fixes above don't work, it would seem that you didn't choose a woman like that, you chose a more selfish woman; whose compass in life is her happiness and what she feels like doing at that moment. I bet, in retrospect, that there were some pretty obvious signs of what kind of woman she was earlier in your courtship, which you ignored because you were "in love."
Before I met my wife, I dated quite a bit and there were two women who didn't want to blow me. And you know what, after seducing them, I didn't pursue much at all. I was happy to move on to women who liked giving head. Based on my own experience and that of other experienced seducers I've talked with, the vast majority of women are OK with blowjobs, something like 90% - 95% - yet you didn't choose one of them. Redheads are relatively rare, so if you don't like redheads but chose a redhead you have only yourself to blame if her hair color bothers you. If you're dealing with Type-2 Blowjob Shyness. you can thank your own scarcity mindset and desperation for that!
And I strongly suspect that a lot of women with Type-1 Blowjob Shyness went through a real "hoe phase" - they had a quite promiscuous sexual history before they met you. You can't get pregnant from a blowjob, so promiscuous women are all too happy to give guys they barely know bareback uncondomed BJs on the first date or after a few cocktails on lady's night. And years later when they've locked down a reliable, unthreatening guy (you?) they associate blowjobs with someone they used to be. I wrote a book for men about how to meet, identify, and seduce the enduring affections of a good woman while disqualifying and filtering out the kind of selfish woman who will stop giving you blowjobs because you committed to her or put a ring on it. Maybe you should have read it (or other books like it) instead of spending your leisure time as a single guy playing video games, watching sports, smoking weed, fapping to porn, or hanging with your dumb drinking buddies...
And perhaps your woman isn't a "Blender" as I call them in my book, maybe your woman was a great choice. Maybe she just doesn't like giving blowjobs - not every lady does! If so, there's great liberation from irritation and dissatisfaction in saying to yourself "I have this problem because of my choices. I'm going to accept my choice and focus on the positives in my relationship."
The mainstream/lamestream advice given to the sad guys on Reddit complaining jumps right to the final fix above - "Don't try to change people!"
And I think this is kind of normie advice; elite salespeople, businesspeople, persuaders, negotiators, and psychopaths know that you can change people's behavior - this is why corporate executives, Silicon Valley elites, and politicians spend billions of dollars pumping seductive propaganda into our lives. By implementing the hacks above with tenacity, inventiveness, and persistence you've got a good shot at enjoying enthusiastic mind-blowing blowjobs whenever you want them.
Finally...
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