The Personal Development Sphere is AFRAID of this Topic: Sexual Self-Control

There's a lifehacking/Biohacking domain that's been perhaps more rewarding for me than any other.

It's consistently made my life better and better for over a decade now. It's a topic I've researched and self-experimented with exhaustively, enjoying surprising benefits as I learned, self-experimented, and habituated more. And of course, it's a topic I've done a fair amount of writing and content about. But I'm demotivated and I think I'm done spreading the good news about this topic.

Sexual self-control for men

This is the topic I'm referring to. I'll tell you why I'm demotivated to write more on this topic but first, how hacking my own sexual self-control has been such a game-changer... 

• In my 20s I stumbled across the no fap movement; I cut down dramatically on my porn viewing and I got laid more as a result (not always with the highest quality women though).
• When I became a digital nomad and began slow-traveling the world, I would do extended periods of no fap. This motivated me to be very social; I would land someplace new where I knew nobody. I'd check into my room, and head out the door that evening to make friends. I had all the motivation I needed to learn languages and other fun things - like picking some salsa dancing skills (Soy un penguino muy peligroso sobre la pista de baile!) Epic nights, adventures, and memories that I'll cherish for the rest of my life ensued.
• All this action-taking, socializing, and sharpening of my social dynamics skills made me an attractive guy. Enough to really stand out to a beautiful Bulgarian girl I met in a nightclub in 2017. She became the best girlfriend I've ever had; I liked that her country had fast wifi, great weather, organic food, and low taxes so I married her and stayed in Sofia (which I still regard as the best decision of my life).
• But early in our marriage I still held on to an old mindset - that I needed to enjoy the beauty of other women - and would watch porn infrequently. This hurt her and caused significant strife in our relationship. So I did a few sessions of an epigenetic mindset transformation meditation to reprogram myself and focus all my sexual energy and desire on her. This changed something about me that I thought would NEVER change; I quit my shameful, not-so-secret snooping around on the internet, and haven't (voluntarily) viewed a pixel of porn in over four years. I'm free of FOMO and guilt. And she's the most beautiful girl in the world to me and I never get bored of seeing her naked.
• Then I delved deeper into Tantric practice, teaching myself to experience multiple full-body orgasms while retaining my sexual energy. This resulted in marital tranquility and an even greater sex life for us. After 8 years now together, we're still in the lusty, fiery stage.

Studying, habituating, and hacking sexual self-control has REALLY paid off for me in carnal joy, adventure, beauty, and meaning - the things I care deeply about in life. I would have ended up a real sore loser without this toolset! This was an adventure I invited my audience on with me; sharing what was working for me in articles, videos, and podcasts - some of which were massive labors of love!

Why I'm demotivated to write more on this topic

Broadly, people seem to be rather disinterested in what I have to share and teach on sexual self-control.

• Some of my best writing is deep-dive guides/podcasts around this topic, I created the 6 steps to resilient sexual-spiritual risk mitigation, I exposed the rank hypocrisy and gullibility of the red pill bros that are NOT really red-pilled, and I had the balls to share the edifying story about how I forgot what D’Artagnan taught me and got my dick BURNED by a LASER. And this content has not done well, it's not particularly popular according to my traffic analytics. I don't get a lot of emails from guys telling me that they implemented my sexual self-control protocols.
• One of the most my most viewed podcasts on YouTube is Blowjob Shyness Begone! 8 ways to inspire more ENTHUSIASTIC blowjobs from your lady, in it I break down the unconventional, little-known relationship hacks a man can implement to inspire his lady to be a bit more frisky in the bedroom (a lot of them come down greater sexual self-control). But I was absolutely dismayed to see that the average watch time of this video is just one minute. So thousands of men (desperate for blowjobs from their ladies) clicked on this 58-minute video BUT then because it's NOT the most exciting video on the internet (it's just a vlog with my face talking), navigated promptly away. How pathetic, may they never get blown again!
• A terribly common issue in modern relationships is "digital betrayal trauma." This is where (typically) the man in a couple indulges in some porn viewing, the woman predictably discovers this, is really hurt by it, and then acts crazy for a while (even after the guy has quit porn). It's very costly in terms of stress, strife, distraction, resentment, and in some cases divorce. Many couples turn to therapy to deal with this which is expensive (and often ineffective). We dealt with this, but I read the books on the topic and brought my lifehacker ethos to fixing what I broke. And it worked; my wife is totally "over" it and we never stepped into a therapist's office for this issue. From experience, I figured out how to hack this painful problem so I put together and published a deep-dive guide. Then my wife found several popular Subreddits where thousands and thousands of coupled people all complain about having this same stupid problem. We privately contacted the moderators of all these subreddits asking if we could post my guide OR if it might be something they wanted to include as a sidebar resource and they all rejected it. Misery loves company!
• To my further dismay, I contacted a number of bigger podcast hosts in the health, personal development, or relationships space and pitched myself and "hacking digital betrayal trauma" as an interview topic. And none of them wanted to talk about it on their popular podcasts - contributing to the conspiracy of shame and silence around this issue - in lieu of their umpteenth interview about psychedelics or the keto diet.
• I coach or do free consultations with a lot of men and most of them confess to a similar problem. They are single and struggling to meet a nice girl, yet they watch porn and are demotivated to do what they need to do to get what they want. OR they are in a relationship, yet they've got a porn habit they are keeping secret from their women which they feel guilty about. But even among the men I coach, few implement my suggestions and make the change they say they want. The one guy I coached who actually implemented all my advice lost his virginity in a few months, got a nice girlfriend, and then went on to travel the world and have some cool adventures of his own - which included rock climbing in Croatia (very pretty girls there, by the way).

 As you know well from personal experience, the experiences of men close to you, pop culture, the news, or from the internet...

Men routinely wreck themselves because of their lack of sexual self-control

Just a few examples...

• President Trump self-sabotaged his mission to Make America Great Again because he could not resist the temptation to cheat (while sober) on his beautiful, classy, loyal wife with a pornstar.
• OnlyFans makes billions of dollars every month because millions of men can't turn down time-wasting para-social relationships with women they'll never meet (who call them Pay Pigs!)
• My wife and I enjoy this excellent YouTube channel, Catfished, which creates weekly documentaries about romance scam "victims" - where we often see a guy (clearly, thinking with his penis and not his head) handing over thousands and thousands of dollars to painfully obvious Nigerian romance scammers masquerading as "hot girls" on the internet.
• In a recent video about dating exotic, foreign women I tell the pathetic story of an old friend of mine who spent $30,000 to sleep once with a Colombian woman he had spent months talking to online.

The man lacking in sexual self-control does astoundingly stupid things that often harm those he claims to care for the most, costing him fortunes large and small, and resulting in deep-abiding regret.

Why is mainstream self-help afraid of discussing this topic?

Many mainstream gurus are often a lot less virtuous than they portray themselves them be. A lot of them are probably not doing any better than the average dude in the sexual self-control department. Conspiracy of shame and silence. Also, this topic really pricks the big sensitive egos of many men, it's an area where challenging their audiences might not pay off. And the flip side is, of course, women's sexual self-control which is in a similarly sorry state in modernity. So addressing the issue might entail criticizing women (cancelation incoming!)

I'm downright demotivated

I'm dismayed to see SO MANY men wrecking themselves while I'm trying to give away the unconventional, yet effective solutions to the problem! I had started working on a deep-dive course on how to - A to Z - prevent or fix betrayal trauma but I don't think it will be worth my while to finish. I've lost my motivation to try to help men that would rather...

• Watch sports, Netflix, or Mr. Beast
• Stay in their porn-relapse cycles
• Deal with a resentful, bitchy wife or girlfriend and a dead bedroom
• Pay $150/hour to a feminist couple's therapist
• Lose half their net worth in a divorce

Then eat a little humble pie, listen, learn, habituate, and enjoy the beautiful life beckoning when this beast is tamed.

So that's what has got me downright demotivated on this topic.
I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm just the wrong guy to bring to sexual self-control message to the masses. I don't know why, I sometimes wonder how much of the rejection I face is just incidental to being a dissident thinker and how much because of my cross-eyed (a physical imperfection that I can't do anything about - there's no Biohacks for it at this time). I tried my best to bring this message in practical, pragmatic terms that would resound with men and the wider personal development sphere as opposed to preachy moralizing judgment. I'm not sure what I could have done better.

So I'll just enjoy the great sex life I have thanks to sexual self-control and try to view the world as a comedy and not the tragedy it is.